Choose who you build with

It is easy to be a good partner when everything goes according to plan.

It is when something goes wrong that you discover who you are really working with.

A delivery is delayed. Someone makes a mistake. Expectations were not aligned well enough. A customer becomes dissatisfied. Two people see the same situation very differently.

All of this happens.

Especially when you are building something new, moving quickly and relying on one another.

The interesting question is therefore not whether problems will arise. It is how people behave when they do.

Competence is not enough

I have probably spent too much time in the past focusing on what people could contribute.

Do they have the network?

Do they have the experience?

Can they sell?

Can they open doors?

Do they have capabilities we need?

All of that matters.

But over time, I have come to respect another question more:

What is this person like to work with when things do not go as planned?

It is harder to capture in a spreadsheet, but probably far more important.

Highly capable people who cannot handle disagreement, disappointment or mistakes constructively can create costs far greater than the value they add.

Not necessarily in money.

But in time, energy, attention and trust.

High standards still matter

A good partnership does not mean that everyone should be pleasant all the time.

Quite the opposite.

Good partners must be able to hold one another to high standards.

If I promise a delivery and fail to deliver, someone should be able to say:

That was not good enough.

And I should be able to answer:

Agreed. I take responsibility.

That is how adults should be able to work together.

But there is an important line between criticising what someone did and attacking who someone is.

When that line disappears, the conversation usually stops being about solving the problem.

It becomes about something else.

Disagreement is a stress test

I have started to treat conflict and disagreement as information.

They tell you something.

Not only about the other person, but also about yourself and the partnership you have built.

Can we be honest with one another?

Can we disagree without becoming enemies?

Can someone make a mistake without putting their entire character on trial?

Can we separate the issue from the person?

Can we repair what went wrong and continue?

If the answer is repeatedly no, perhaps communication does not need another workshop.

Perhaps the partnership is wrong.

Choose character, not only capacity

When I consider potential partners today, I pay closer attention to a few simple qualities.

I want to work with people who say what they mean, but who also listen.

People who can set high expectations and accept them in return.

People who are ambitious, but do not need to win every discussion.

People who can distinguish between a poor delivery and a poor person.

And people whose first instinct, when something goes wrong, is to solve the problem.

It may sound obvious.

It is not.

What you tolerate becomes how you work

There is responsibility on the other side too.

We do not choose our partners only once.

We choose them continuously through the behaviour we accept.

If a relationship repeatedly requires people to walk on eggshells, avoid certain subjects or spend a disproportionate amount of energy managing one person's reactions, it deserves attention.

That does not necessarily mean anyone is a bad person.

It may simply mean that two people should not build things together.

And that is an entirely legitimate conclusion.

An underestimated competitive advantage

The best partnerships I know have something rather unspectacular in common:

People trust one another.

Not because nobody makes mistakes.

But because they know what happens when someone does.

The mistake is raised.

Responsibility is taken.

The problem is solved.

And then everyone moves on.

That creates speed.

Trust reduces the need for control, politics, positioning and self-defence.

Choosing partners is therefore not only a question of whether working together feels good.

It is strategy.

You can have the best idea, the strongest product and the greatest ambition in the world.

But over time, the quality of what you build will be deeply shaped by the quality of the people you choose to build it with.

So perhaps one of the most important questions before entering the next partnership is not:

What can this person do for us?

But:

How will we treat each other on the day something goes wrong?